• Jackie Downs

Our Journey of Starting a Family: Part 1

"July 2019. Several people were asking if I was pregnant yet this week. It was the first day of my expected period, but it didn't come. I was originally planning on waiting a few days to take a test, but decided why not just take one that afternoon (July 14). Shockingly, it was positive! And the 3 more I took were too! I was pregnant!"

For those of you that aren't aware, I have been wanting to be a mom for basically my whole life. I waited patiently for Mikey and I to be ready together and it finally happened! I was ecstatic, over-joyed, I couldn't believe it was actually real! That was until all the symptoms set in. Pregnancy fatigue is real guys and you won't understand until you actually experience it; and "morning" sickness, more like all day, and when I wasn't nauseous I was starving. Basically every symptom hit me immediately, I was 5 weeks pregnant. Out of no where, the symptoms were gone. The pregnancy was ending, we were just getting excited about this life we were bringing into the world and it was gone.

Well, it didn't happen instantly, the symptoms vanished, but were followed by feelings so much worse. It took my body a month to naturally miscarry the life I had inside of me. The emotional rollercoaster I was sent on was nothing I could describe. Wherever you stand on the life of a fetus, I felt the loss of a child. Although it was only a few weeks we were together, I will never forget loving that little babe so much.

Miscarriage is a topic that so many feel uncomfortable talking about. But you probably don't know how common it actually is. I want to talk about it because going through it feeling like I couldn't talk about it was terrible. There's a pressure to be totally fine right away because our culture stuffs real emotions down. So, this is me, opening up the conversation. I want to create a community of support and freedom to feel all the feelings.

For a month and a half we went through so many emotions of losing our little one, fear of trying again, and excitement for the possibility of having a family still. Somehow we were able to get pregnant within the first month my body was physically able to.

By the end of September 2019 we were pregnant! And it didn't feel like real life.

So, let's start the conversation. What are some of your experiences in fertility, miscarriage, and parenthood.


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